You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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