Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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