I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
