i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
