Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
