Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
