actually, I'm a sock model
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
