You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
