make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
