there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
