he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
