Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
