so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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