you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
