I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry about my life...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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