She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
