I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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