worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Text me some of your sweat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
