Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i don't like sucking hair
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
