I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize