I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
