Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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