Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
