The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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