the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize