He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
