i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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