Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
