weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
