I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
