You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
