Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
