Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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