i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
