Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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