Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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