I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
