I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we should paint friendship bongs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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