I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
