How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
