Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
