I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize