apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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