So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
