I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
