Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
