you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
