ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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