she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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