I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
