I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
