i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
