I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize