It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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