Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
