What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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