So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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