all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
