I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize