I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
