I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
