I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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