9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
