Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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