my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
